i am quiet
the silence of your death
fills the room
i walk upstairs
and my mum is crying
i hug her for a very long time
she is crying
the kind of crying where you make sound
because it hurts so much
i go back downstairs
and i watch the simpsons
oh sideshow bob
what are you up to this time
i used to
oh my god
i used to fall into you
your body
was a bed
sometimes I thought if we got any closer
I would pass straight through you
and come out on the other side
you said 'you are my everything and more'
i thought
'i want to burrow into this feeling of home
and never leave it'
i was so afraid
now the only thing to fall into
is life
weather
i feel something inside of me start to shift
like how i know when the weather is about to change
from sunshine to rain
it's raining
it's goddamn pouring
i know myself
dinosaur friends
i'm glad i have friends that will talk about dinosaurs with me
and when i say "hey i can just imagine dinosaurs in this landscape"
they don't make fun of me
they imagine it too
and when i wonder how big a t-rex is
they stop to figure it out
and we ask our friend brad
and he thinks about it
and gives us an approximation
and we say "wow that is big"
then i tell them about how i watched a documentary
where an ankylosaurus kills a t-rex
and the t-rex babies stand by her while she dies
and they keep making squealing noises
and it made me really sad
then we talk about how dinosaurs lived for longer than we have
and that one day we will be extinct too
we stop to think about that for a second
then i say "rawrrrrrrrrrrr"
and we keep on walking
science
our love had its own gravity
now all of the things we left unsaid
exist in the spaces we used to inhabit
i recognise their stale taste on my lips
those words grab me by the shoulders
and shake me
their weight is a seismic force
the lump in my throat
remains so
